Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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