She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
