I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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