Moan for me like Helen Keller
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
