i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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