needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
