I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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