Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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