Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
