Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
