Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
A+ Viking dick
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
