When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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