Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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