And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
