69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
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