this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
