I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
