When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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