I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
40s are totally the cure
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
