I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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