So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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