I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Hippo gnu deer
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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