Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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