My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
