I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
