Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
