Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
