Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
