You smell like a Billy Joel song
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
