Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
