She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she peed on how many people?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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