nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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