Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
