So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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