i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
