he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
