You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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