it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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