At least make sure they are 18
Why
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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