dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
