batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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