and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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