when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
