I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
