This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
