Already got asked if we're dating
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
