good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
