he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
