How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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