how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
