Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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