They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
