my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
