Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
