At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You smell like a Billy Joel song
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
