we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Mom said you looked used
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
