We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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