At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
