Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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